ST47 ... One guy, Wally, well.... Walter Puszczyński
some call me 'Wally the Wall', Wally Weirdo', or 'Wally Wonderful'.
I'm just one guy, i can't do much and yet i must do it all. You've got to take what you get and fly with it. Sometimes things work out and most of the time they don't. That's just the way it is…. for everybody, no matter what you think or what they tell you. Everything is relative. I was once bitter about too many things. Now i am just sad and happy, lonely, melancholy and full of humour and wonder often. Life is what you make it, they say….. well that's just part of the story. You can't be blamed for all the shit that comes flying-in against your walls……. but yes, it is how you handle it that matters… The Most.
Take this separation that has happened between family and friends in the last few years. No body can deny now that the immune murdering 'pandemic' has affected the majority of the worlds population more than any other circumstance since this train of the new wo/man began — thousands of years ago. I am not addicted to data, tho i know what i think i know — facts are everywhere, fat chequers too, details, well organized data line the brains of experts across all fields…… from biting ones toe nails to thermal dynamics in inner space.
I have developed a relationship with what i think i know, to how i feel about it. I am aware that there is always another layer to every conclusion, an understanding that no conclusion is ever complete. I make this stuff up as i travel around in curved time. Occasionally i make great sense out of disturbing news that is spreading itself thru-out the globe —— from the ancient past to near memory, to headlines rushing down the tube —— to here and now, but i don't believe most of it or accept where it lands inside this brain —— nothing's permanent…. it's a constant reminder.
We are all going to die. That is a given…tho there are disputes even in that area as AI gets closer to cloning minds for a much longer time span than is reasonable, desirable, worth its waves in space. And what do we really know about death? There are other givens, but very few….. all ends, begins, ends, transforms.
With that being stated, an end is more than likely for us all, at least in this form. I gather from my timeline here that most have some thoughtful plans for their exit, for a future after they've gone. A heaven, hell, paradise, new reincarnation, some sort of home, conclusion, belief —— i think most of it, if not all of it is an illusion, wishful thinking, fear of living with no absolute meaning known to this mind of thought we develop and carry around.…. for better or for worse. That's cool, i get it, life is hard, difficult to understand, possibly not even possible, in-fact, more than likely —— always misunderstood —— but the good news is, life can be beautiful, peaceful, loving, meaningful, honest……at least some of the time. It is how well you swim thru the muck, caress the beauty, adore honesty, accept truth, love change.
At the end of the line it is really not all that serious. You can see it in the eye of the dying, the heart of the serene, the waves across the plains of plans and there is always silence that you can escape into wherever you are, whenever you need; there is always that. That is all you really need, there are no ultimate conclusions, it is and will always be a mystery, all belief is make belief, life is a wonderful mystery…… and that's it.
Traveling down the road to ecstasy sweet Susan stumbled into me. I was ready for anything, especially someone like her. She led me into her smile like a gypsy queen. I responded with the man in me. We floated about for a few minutes and landed warm tingling inside and calm with excitement. "Hi, wow, so nice to see you, i feel the smile in your eyes." i said with an illuminating heart. She smiled, glistening-like —— with warmth rising into the heavens, we talked, we walked hand in hand, long into eternity.
The years flew by thru canyons of love —— something like a miracle, most of the time. And that very time held onto itself like a long……. summer. In the autumn of our lives sweet thoughts wove themselves around us like the smell of a wild rose in bloom slowly fading into darkness. Winter took us —— somewhere else. All things must pass it is said. That appears to be true. Life appears to be narrow and short.
It's such a pity we are so determined to feel so sentimental and distort love into pieces of false hopes, dainty scriptures of flowery hues, pointed distortions of beauty and spirit, fragments of pure heart into trite. Antisocial media smothering raw reality into frivolous dreams and plastering likes with compliments for nothing more than something more to invest in. “Life is beautiful but not always, face it, place it, get on with it.…be real”, i thought.
Susan was the love of my life, but there were many —— well, not really? I change names, so i don't have to lie —— as easily. We are all liars, to be honest. The only pure minds are fantasies in scriptures, novels, poems and the only pure love is beyond — time —— almost all of the time, where reason is dead, non existent, a spec of dust amidst a universe of a beautiful strange strange mystery.
Continuity is the river that reason as water swims along, thought be, its river bed. The river flows into the sea. The sea is beyond me. The attractor, the ether, the force sucking all life into it, the mother of the father, the father of the mother. Beautiful ideas flowing thru the wind, the river, the sea, and me.
Wally had cancer but he kept it a secret. They gave him a fixed time to get his life in order, as, they did say. He tried to reach out in his own way but for the most part, failed….. It didn't matter. He knew that. Life comes, life goes. We put so much effort in keeping things still —— life keeps moving — dying, the river ends. We are such a small infinitesimal blemish of something we call 'life' for awhile. We feel so big. We are not. We are almost nothing in the grand scheme of things.
Walter was leaving soon, he was almost gone when something extremely extraordinary occurred —— and then, that was that, gone.
2023..there wasn’t much left but these excerpts from Wallter's notes - found in a vase on a shelf against a wall. They hardly relate, but that’s what remains for many like Wally…. a few thoughts scribbled on a fading piece of paper like a scripture dying.
In another life time, he sat with a few locals and a few beers socializing about nothing. The modern way of telling, orchestrating a story in a half inebriated state is with the preplanned aid of video and images stored on a devise. It's all in the fun of a well planned tale, caress the digital matrix, expose your artistic endeavours and get with the program. Life is short, who cares, set your self imposed perspectives aside and lower your mentality to where it is really at. Everybody has a chance for the on-line fame, from thirty seconds to a life long adventure with yachts and jewels —— somethings appear to stay the same.
Thoughts devour the milieus as memories clustered with the scent of times lived. I smelt alcohol, beer and moments with friends talking about stuff over cigarettes and a toke or two and nights with cocaine to keep things so real it was as if nothing was or could get in its way —— this reality crushing all time into moments of greatness…..ends.
It's interesting how the mind weaves itself around the chemistry of the brain…. a slight haze, a partial numbness but intense and straight clear thought ending itself across the boulevards of the mind. I am full of shit like everyone else, full of dreams that were useless, pure and saintly…….. i loved them and still do. Friends, like nothing else, where are they now?…..bless them, there.
Age has sent that ringing in the ear every one was talking about. I pay little attention to it…… that's the best way to deal with it. Life is going to end. I am ok with that, most of the time. I love life as most everyone else does on a good day. Most of my days are good. I write about the hard times but i live in the sun of the air. I am a positive minded sort of guy. Just give me a string and i'll find a kite.
I don't know who i am, but i know who i am not….. and that's something, almost a revelation, but, not quite. All moods end, everything ends….. we constantly need reminding, we forget so easily and act like we're going to live forever, 'this night will never end'…yea yea yea. Live like it will..but it won't.
Another moment from along the waves in the ether:… by Walter Puszczyński
We all know in moments of silence that we know almost nothing. We don't even know how we think we know. We are up against a completely lost wall of babble when we are really honest about this existence we tend to believe is happening. We have science to prove our existence, the life surrounding us, some have religion to give meaning, visions and premonitions leading us to worlds above ourselves, but really, we know nothing. It is stranger than we can ever imagine it to be —— presumed from the cliffs of what we think and feel is real over looking horizons upon horizons across infinities beyond eternities to more and more and more and here some resemblance of an awareness looks out lost, a part of it all…… here, it's a me…. dissolving. I know absolutely nothing. I can't express with any language the vastness of what appears. 'Ya shatame hayea whahetoo, cometa whasha tome, kolatawhebe ha’.
How can they, you, us conclude anything.…lies, deception, bulshit, trite, nonsense and wishful ridiculous thinking….. thats us, man, woman, human, logic, reason, religion, science philosophy, drunken thought of ego created delusions….. with one spec of humble understanding in the wonder of it all….. aware.
Not pleasant for most to realize we know nothing…. much. Horrifying…. and yet in moments we can find it refreshing; finally, the conclusions are released into the thin air where they were created. I am an animal of sorts in a universe more mysterious that we could ever imagine…….. stop, live —— all the morals, understanding, directions are built in, let the hidden spirit suck you into the purpose we can never know, or understand…… it is beautiful, free, honest and true, keep walking, search for nothing, find what you will, keep what you need and let your wants come and go as the winds across the plains and be. Wally
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