ST112 ... Brothers

They fade, they reappear...

Brother Allyn, the first birthday not present

My brother died a short while ago, a few weeks. Today he would have turned 78. Time comes to an end, death comes walking our way, always. I remember so many moments with Al. They fade, they reappear, they turn into clouds of love tho, and i watch them full hearted slow, filled with incredible detail, beautiful insight, warm and tender reflections moving across the horizon toward the plains of goldens glow.

When i was very young Allyn treated me like his very own. He loved me like his perfect little brother, cherished me, looked after me, watcher over me, taught me how to maneuver in this world. When i got a little older Bill took over and taught me the ropes of teenage life. They both were my best friends, my brothers, my blood.

I am alone now. They have both gone home, as they say, but home to me is Edward St transformed to Duke just as big brothers move from one to the other and back again. Of course i am never truly alone, there are the memories that swim around endlessly, almost real at times, almost pure in their reflections, perfect in the dreams when night is dark and solemn they cover me in blankets over my hidden den.

I remember i had just learned the two finger sign for 'bullshit' and i, being the mischievous type felt compelled to use it in this photo with the other happy hand between my two best friends. Bill looks like the big responsible brother in this image while Allyn is the joker as he certainly could be. We all with our ragged pants from the poor end of town. When you're a kid none of that matters. As time moves on the powers of wealth weaves in and out of ones consciousness whether you like it or not. Authority, progression, mental conclusions and all the rest of it dangles itself around your skull in one way or the other right up till the end. 

Allyn helped me in and out of these worlds, good and bad. The end comes upon us all. I couldn't and don't desire any other than my brother Allyn. We helped each other thru the dark tar of the streets, the everlasting turmoil of man, the sheer pleasures of friendship in millions of moments. I'll take this 'happy birthday' to the grave with me with the love you made in your deepest moments. Your Birthday, Brother Al.

There are a lot of things that are just never going to happen again… that dig deep into your soul when it crashes against the shores of your heart, those moments when memory pierces the day with feelings sharp, intense.

Brothers of Distant Blood
I have and have had many non-blood brothers also. Brothers come in many shades. A few are there for you no matter what, many are close when times are smooth but in hard times fall away without hardly noticing they've gone. Life is that way. We can't be everything for all, life gets in the way, situations force ones hand. We have all had struggles too dear for others to accept. That's life. I still have numerous friends from as far back beginning in grade two, teenage friends, young man brothers, middle aged relations. I suppose i am fortunate that so many are still present. They know who they are but with all that being said and done… Allyn was my first and remains in that special part of the heart that can never be re-placed. That's me, we have all had depth that lingers in the shades of space circling. That is what we cherish, especially in those moments tainted with those blatant burgundy blues.

When i say brothers, i mean sisters too, tho different, very similar when it comes to integrity, diligence, loyalty, and tho the fight can be like cats and dogs, the love remains the same.

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