309 ... Writing words you will never see
309 Image-Content of the Day 2018/12/29 of-by patrick wey https://blog.patrickwey.com/category/image-content-of-the-day Sierra Kachina left at 24, would have been 28 today...born into a world almost to the minutes of 100 years after the last massacre of the NA Indian at Wounded Knee ......here is wiki-info of that event.......https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wounded_Knee_Massacre
Words about Sierra since she had gone: no one can feel the pain of loss of another, it can tear one to the depths of the soul and lift one higher than life, death.
Writing words you will never see editing pictures you never saw killing dreams we never met living around lies tangled up around us yet crying alone into fading memories a busy numbness surrounding often and you and me ending again this time forever ending within i see this thru vague scenes that crumble into one another drenched in pain and love as they move along the trail with a crippled weakness into the day and words to you i will never say i write to no one but the stream of endless dreams across the purple sky the universe that comes in clear the universe that closes when the dream ends
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Without You Sierra sometimes it tears tenderly to my heart sadness where it has never gone, goes. years passing without you your little heart and mine twisted into each other like time i gaze across the highway to the grassy fields beyond the silent wind bends around invisible canyons straight into my mind your essence emanates soft and deep into me with dry tears i caress the moments slipping by there will never be anyone so true to me as you our bond was woven by the mystery of love no one can alter what was so clear that alone gives a graceful comfort this pure sadness against my path your delicate sense breathes life into death i need no promises, commitments, no proof we knew we were special a love so rare so true so threatening we lived thru this with the most fragile of hearts now thru this fading silence with nothing but the humble caring of the wind i love you with your tears upon me nothing can harm you now you are safe from this world and all its misery i am seeing this with my hidden pain as i walk on without you….
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There are few words left to say i know in my heart there are no ears of yours to hear what can never be said to you ever you’re gone and love feels so empty without you i have learned that this world is even more cruel than imagined fake everything lures everybody into so much of little worth they have little room for real tears no time for true sadness only shallow laughter and smiles against the rain ultimately they are afraid to face their own mortality they need to blanked it with tender wit, swift gestures hidden desires leading secure beliefs to selfish love They are the lost children of the american dream stretching across every continent desperately hanging onto every note from the popular song caressing comfort with their broken bodies falling alone down into cancerous heavens to worlds they could never be They are my brothers, my sisters, my friends and my foe they are the celebrities cared for more than neighbours more than the blood across the land more than the mother in the land the father of the other hand the truth scattered into words blasted against the walls of your brains and in this context everyone is to blame the dilemma of the human insane
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In this beauty one must weep. The overwhelming understanding of pain from loss is so sad it is beyond comprehension. It goes so deep one can only cry tears from memories dying and the letting go of its truth, its reality. Admitting that it is hard to live life one must let go of the dearest feelings; all the tangled ones and all the gentle and soft ones. It is hard to see this in the air, all the clusters of memories contained in one soul and spread out across the minds of the people. The close ones the distant ones the collective ones, all of different quantities and depth, moving in and around as a dream does. When one dies and the entanglement of thought-energy floats thru the atmosphere as a spirit would, the visions of these holographic scenes may be more real than a normal reality appears. This is pure vision with no interpretation from a past, a future, just the endless flow from one scene to the next. The magnitude of this impression is life altering. You can feel the waves of peoples thoughts and dreams, with their spirits creating intricate delicate holographs of varied scenes floating thru the forests along creeks veins like an epiphany from ‘nature’, the creator of all known. I cried, knowing i had to let go to live. It will come in small doses, not as to destroy me, little by little till i carry on alone. This may never happen. This is the dream, the dream will change, the observer will be altered, vast death is the nature of all this. It will come regardless of what one does. It is this movement in life that sees this death and the illusions of dreams as necessary branches to this tree, as life is a dilemma. ———————————————————————————————————————————————————— the days go by and you fade beyond my will every step another distance without you memories slip in and out of the air surrounding here some are peaceful and serene and others are dark and deep when the pains you felt, lived through and died with punctures my heart like a knife with tears the road curves up ahead and your presence is near there in the pale afternoon where your love lies and the sunset full of your colour there are the photographs and your remnants scattered about there are memories hanging on the walls without you you meant everything to a few left behind and they struggle down the path alone and there is no answer fit to why you left the way you did no conclusions can soothe this heart it is what it is and love and you are one there is nothing along the cove to replace this shore on eternity memories will continue their journey across the universe and fade into the void beyond but for now there is nothing left just you caressing this heart and a spirit feeling this
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my heart aches for you your simple smile your delicate wit your ways and your life living i miss you terribly so i am so sorry i did not do enough to save you to help you in any way i could to share everything i have with you i never expected it would end so quick what a fool i was in moments i could have done more could have poured my heart unto you given my every touch of love i am so sorry, forgive me nothing i can do now for you i am lost at moments crushed with pain devastated to my very being like a boat without water and a soul with out life i am alone lost and numb
i see the road the way and the things to be done i walk with one foot in the desert and the other on unknown land i am a man stranded with no home no future no dream i remember your breath searching for air and your heart for warmth i walk i walk i keep walking there are moments joy slips by and noise ceases there are those that say too much and those that can’t listen the ones with ideals overloaded and the ones crawling down the avenue i miss your presence, the weight in your eyes the truth your lips concealed i miss you, your simple love i miss you
i can never be free from you you are a part of me some of you is inside of me and i shall die like that you and me are a memory that will be as long as forever is
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little angel up-against the tomb on a road red as heart spirit fallen from the sky with no clear answer why and with tombstone tears a wounded kachina cries “for simple love i live and die”.
“i’ was much, much too young to die” ————————————————————————————————————
I wish i could say what can’t be said and do what can’t be done i wish i could do magic and bring back what’s gone
i am loosing the words to say much or anything at all now is not the time to
we all want to know what can’t be known it is the nature of thought we all want things we can’t get we all want teachings that can’t be taught
there is no easy way to heal a wounded heart
you can fly high and dig low you can tell yourself sweet little lies you can tear yourself apart with things you wish you’d done but there is only one thing that can really help hidden deep within the heart
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A wave of pain struck on edges of dreams formed long ago
I know i have to write this experience out sometime soon. It is too bizarre and hideous in areas that must be written in detail to fully understand the depth and shallowness of the situation. I venture to say that Sierra died at the hands of relatives and friends and doctors that made decisions to act or not act with self imposed desires emanating from their conditioned minds without much depth to see the outcome of this simple and sincere life of Sierra Kachina. No one is to blame and yet we all are. I don’t know where to start. The beginning they say but there is no beginning.
Raw reality stripped from all its glory naked truth condemned to hide beneath the rugs the way it was the way it is the way it is going to be silence against the noise of mind love hidden in the shadows nothing is as nothing was everything comes everything goes imaginary waves upon the shores where something ends something begins
Sierra Kachina i think of you often in so many ways i wish i wish i wish but to no avail if only this and if only that you would be alive and i know it’s true
you questioned so many times of what you would be like if only we had not been separated at your little girls age of seven if only we could have continued to be as father and daughter what confused decisions tore us apart what guilt hidden in minds separated us why did that have to be so what did we do to deserve such fate is the truth worth anything now
will the prosecutors suffer as i can anyone hurt so much so deep for so long, my little mind never really mature, stuck in your arms safe and warm from the dangers of life forever i missed you so much my father and friend and no one could understand and now i am gone forever cept the memories in the minds of who’s left twisted and torn and true and soft some will feel the pain of abandonment as i some will continue to ignore the facts and continue to lie with their crafted smiles and embrace the illusions they’ve made for me i have gone and now you my friend write my legacy i forgave everyone, it was in my nature but i felt the pains of their decisions that tore my brain apart from street and legal abuse i walked thru hell alone tormented people are made of this this guilt and anger hidden beneath in minds not willing to see i loved you all regardless; my mother, my husband, my aunts my dear sister, my fathers and uncles all my friends that couldn’t really understand what i myself could only feel but not comprehend why, why, why were you taken from me it doesn’t make sense….. how simple is love this love severed but never dead i am grateful it had found it’s way home after so many years and for such a short time and now i leave once again to let you walk on alone again to face every breath without me cept for what little is left in memory but i am gone gone forever with dreams never shone
Driving home along the highway yellow moon hanging in the sky sounds so romantic but it’s true everywhere i look i find you
I walk along the beach and see you in the sand i pick up a purple stone and find you in my hand high in the sky you fly within the clouds trees are made of your likeness all across the land such a sacred child in the body of a woman you were just like me, a melancholy man
For hidden guilt and shame of things they couldn’t face And unaware to me i’d been accused and convicted of things i never did It was simple and easy to hide the evidence, me, and live a lie into eternity but to their surprise and your demise, little sierra died and now they have this tragic reality hanging from their neck they can’t escape the truth of what’s been done and only an apology might shine some healing light but until then they will feel that deep darkness in their skull how long will it take, time can’t even tell i am not counting the days, i hardly care anymore my little girl is gone and i don’t give a damn what people say nothing is going to change anything anyway people can hide but they still have to pay that’s the nature of this way you can fill your brain with whatever you want fool yourself and fool the world but in the end karma will knock you down where ever you hide where ever you lay get your self a good alibi a judgement day is on its way
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ we would have had such a lovely birthday time today.....always thinking about you. Image circa 1996......writing, last 3 1/2 years
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Patrick Wey